I am screaming,
ripping myself apart
inside and out -
clinging to a smile
begging for a minute more
of careless laughter
and unconditional love

I am sobbing,
crying out for mercy,
tearing up at the thought
of my father offering
a helping hand,
a promise,
and forgiveness
for all the times I wasn’t strong
for all the times I wasn’t him

I am dying
I am weak
I am the definition of failure
and I couldn’t be more sorry